By Dave Smith, The Ultimate Retirement Coach
www.LeapRetirement.com
Conflict is inevitable — especially with toxic people who seem to thrive on it.
Some individuals actually get a dopamine rush from confrontation. The intensity fuels them, and over time, it becomes their emotional “high.” While they feel energized by the chaos, those around them often feel drained, anxious, and off balance.
Here’s the truth: you can’t fix their behavior — but you can absolutely manage your response and protect your energy. Every time you engage in their drama, your body releases cortisol, the stress hormone that depletes energy, damages relationships, and clouds judgment.
The goal isn’t to win the argument. The goal is to preserve your peace.
When faced with toxic people who thrive on conflict — do you react emotionally, or respond intentionally?
Pause and think about your last encounter. Did you match their intensity or choose calm clarity?
Your response determines whether you get pulled into their storm or stay anchored in your own calm.
Here are 3 key ways to respond to toxic people and reduce their impact on your emotional health:
Toxic people often repeat the same triggers — blaming, provoking, or exaggerating to get a reaction.
What to do: Notice your physical cues (tight chest, shallow breath, clenched jaw). These are signs you’re being drawn in. Mentally label it: “This is their pattern, not my problem.”
Instead of seeing their behavior as a personal attack, reframe it as a reflection of their internal chaos.
What to do: Shift your mindset from “They’re attacking me” to “They’re struggling with their own emotions.” This helps you detach emotionally and stay calm under pressure.
You don’t need to win. You just need to walk away with your peace intact.
What to do: End the interaction gracefully — “Let’s revisit this later,” or “I understand your perspective.” Then physically remove yourself, take a deep breath, and reset.
Keep this nearby — post it on your desk, mirror, or phone wallpaper.
| Trigger | My Calm Response | What I’ll Remember |
|---|---|---|
| Someone raises their voice | Slow my breathing, lower my tone | I control my energy, not theirs |
| I feel the urge to defend | Pause before speaking | Silence is power |
| They push for a fight | Set a boundary: “Let’s talk later” | Walk away with peace, not proof |
| I keep replaying the moment | Take 3 deep breaths and journal | Let it go — don’t relive it |
Affirmation:
“Their storm doesn’t need to become my weather.”
Pick one toxic person in your world. Practice the 3R Method the next time they try to stir conflict.
Write down what happened, how you responded, and how you felt afterward. You’ll notice something powerful — the more you protect your peace, the less control they have over you.