We’ve all been there. You’re scrolling through LinkedIn, seeing the highlight reels of colleagues and friends, when a specific post catches your eye.
Recently, this happened to me. I saw that a talented professional I had hired years ago was recently promoted to Vice President at the company I retired from. My immediate reaction was pure joy. They are incredibly smart, hard-working, and genuinely a good person. They earned it.
When my wife asked me later that evening if seeing the news made me miss corporate life, my answer was instant: “No, not at all.”
Yet, that night, sleep eluded me. I woke up with a lingering, unsettling heaviness that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I had been triggered, and I didn’t entirely know why.
When an emotional trigger catches you off guard, how do you handle it? Here is the exact 3-step self-audit process I used to turn an unsettling night into a moment of profound gratitude.
When a vague, negative feeling takes root, it’s easy to let it spiral. Instead, I find it incredibly helpful to step back and observe my emotions from a third-person perspective.
Look from the outside in. Detach from the emotion and look at yourself with the same empathy, curiosity, and kindness you would offer a close friend or family member who came to you to vent.
When I listened to myself objectively, a few heavy words finally bubbled to the surface:
Unsuccessful
Irrelevant
Lacking purpose
Out of shape
Acknowledge the words. Don’t judge them. Just name them.
The human mind is an incredible storyteller, but it isn’t always a non-fiction writer. Once you identify the feelings, write them down and cross-examine them. Ask yourself: How do I actually define and measure these concepts, and what does reality say?
When I ran my own feelings through this reality check, the truth came out:
On Success & Purpose: I define my success by my ability to help others become better versions of themselves. I delivered on that throughout my 30+ year career, and I continue to deliver on it today. Verdict: Reality refutes the feeling. No regrets.
On Relevancy: Since retiring, I have become closer with my wife and children, supporting them in ways I only wish I had the time for while working. I see or talk to all five of our adult children almost daily. They constantly reinforce how much they love and appreciate me. If that isn’t relevance, nothing is. Verdict: Reality refutes the feeling. No regrets.
On Being Out of Shape: Okay, this one had some truth to it! It’s been a cycle throughout my life—get in shape, fall out of shape. Am I healthy overall? Yes. Could my golf game improve? Hell yes. Do I need to walk more and eat fewer nachos? Absolutely. Do I enjoy going to the gym? Not a bit. Verdict: A valid area for incremental improvement, not a crisis of identity.
It has been said that comparison is the thief of joy, and social media is the ultimate amplifier of that theft. It’s easy for a single piece of news to subconsciously trick us into comparing our current chapter with someone else’s peak moment.
By the time I finished filtering my thoughts, the unsettling feeling vanished, completely replaced by an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my life, my family, and everything I have built.
Whether you are mid-career, transitioning leadership roles, or enjoying retirement, emotional triggers are inevitable. The next time a post or a piece of news leaves you with that unexplainable, heavy feeling, try this:
Take inventory of the specific feelings.
Define what those words actually mean to you, not what society tells you they mean.
Separate the story your mind is telling you from reality.
Only take action on the physical areas of improvement that are grounded in truth (like walking more and eating fewer nachos). Leave the rest behind.
How do you handle unexpected emotional triggers or the “comparison trap” on social media? Let’s discuss in the comments below.
#Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #MentalWellBeing #RetirementTransition #Gratitude #Mindset